I can’t be arsed with blogging this morning so I apologise in advance if this entry is riddled with errors. I’ve got just too much ‘shit’ to deal with today and so I’m just going to bullet point a list of what I absolutely have to get done.
• Go to the farm and start up one of the tractors. This is one really grinds my shit. We contract out the crop spreading aspect of the farm business. You’d think these guys would know how to start a bloody tractor. I mean, they drive them for a bloody living! No, that would make my life easier if they could do that. Apparently our tractor is ‘temperamental’ and can only be started in a particular way. This is bollocks. I just turn the fucking key. Retards.
• I have to be at the farm to take delivery of six tonnes of poultry feed. I called up this morning to ask what time I could expect the delivery and was told it could be some time between 1pm and 5pm. So basically anytime this afternoon then? Wankers! I’ve been up since half past six already – because that’s when they usually come in.
• I am expecting a delivery at home today too. This one will definitely need signing for and wouldn’t you just know it? It’s coming this afternoon. Now I need to figure out how to be in two places at the same bloody time.
On top of all this, I had planned to write around 4-5000 words today. It was meant to be that all of my farm duties would have been completed before 8am as that is what usually happens. Typical that today, when I really needed things to go to plan so that I could sit down and write, that it all goes to hell. I fear this blog entry will be all the writing I actually get done today. Bollocks. I’ll try and find the time to bash another entry out tonight and let you all know how I got on.
Today I will begin what I feel will become a long running theme of mine.
Every so often something happens during my daily grind that angers or irks me in some way. People are invariable the cause, though sometimes vegetables… and maybe a certain cat.
I have noticed I have a peculiar response to these frequent and often irritating moments.
I raise an eyebrow in the offenders direction. A single eyebrow I might add, which is often coupled with involuntary frothing of the mouth, gesticulation and an overall state of discontent.
Thus was born the Eyebrow of Disdain.
Today my eye fell upon those who attempt to drive their frost coated cars. You know the type. They are the ones trying in vain to reverse out of their drive on a cold winters morning. Both windows are open and the cars heaters are on full blast. A single small circle of windscreen has been scraped free of frost from which the drivers face can be seen pressed against the inside. Two beady eyes straining to see the road. These people anger me greatly.
So today I pulled up behind one such man. He lent out of his window with an expression that said ‘What?’
I unleashed the eyebrow.
To my great joy, he looked suitably shamed. I then drove off humming my “victory hum”.
It is my hope that people will adopt this method of showing others ones anger and discontent. I envisage a day when perhaps I will do something that is irksome to someone else and I look up to see an angry eyebrow aimed squarely at me. On that day I will know I have succeeded. I have succeeded in giving the world a method of letting others know they have upset someone. Imagine that?
No more middle fingers or shouted expletives. No, instead the offender will be shamed as the Eyebrow of Disdain falls upon them. They will immediately see the error of their ways and correct them, perhaps by hanging their head in shame. In fact I hope this becomes the accepted method of accepting one has been irksome.